Most of the time I think humanity is the "bee's knees". Call it narcissism if you like, as I did create you in my own image, but I tend to see the best in people and am seldom dissuaded from this view even when you are doing you best to maim & kill each other. You little rascals.
However, sometimes one of you will make God angry and I feel a need to put you back in your place, take you down a few pegs, let you know who's boss, apply the...
So this week's candidate for a good smiting is Tom Cruise: actor, scientologist, father, assclown (not in that order).
Tommy. Can I call you Tommy? Lately you've been a little, how can I put this gently...
CRAZY LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING FOX THAT HAS LOST HIS A.D.D. & BI-POLAR MEDICATION DOWN A BURROW SOMEWHERE AND YOU KNOW HOW DISORIENTING LOOKING AROUND BURROWS CAN BE.
Don't lie to me Tommy, I know you've stopped taking your medication lately (don't forget - I see everything, I can even lick my own elbow, not that that is really relevant here) and I know you're on a quest to "tell it like you see it" but please, Tommy, please, stop the madness.
Your ridiculous public displays of "really, no really I'm heterosexual" affection aren't impressing anyone, fool. We can comprehend that perhaps you're a little smitten with Katie Holmes, who wouldn't be; that lopsided smile is bound to make any man a little weak at the knees, but jumping on couches, trying to dry hump her on red carpets and letting the press in on almost every little detail of your love life is getting a bit much. I say almost because I know you & Katie are using the "oh no I'm waiting until marriage" line when what's really going on is "but I can't use Viagra because L-Ron says drugs are bad".
I am however, a well-documented magnaminous deity and as such am going to resist smiting you down this week, if only because it makes a slightly pleasant change to see a celebrity who has no "assclown-filter" between themselves and the general public. Lord knows there are madder celebrities than you out there and I've got to give you credit for allowing the world see what a fruit loop you really are. Kudos Tommy.
But let this potential smitedown serve as a warning to you: Get back on the drugs, ok Tommy? Get back on the drugs.
Love Always,
God.
p.s. I really liked Minority Report!
However, sometimes one of you will make God angry and I feel a need to put you back in your place, take you down a few pegs, let you know who's boss, apply the...
SMITEDOWN
So this week's candidate for a good smiting is Tom Cruise: actor, scientologist, father, assclown (not in that order).
CRAZY LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING FOX THAT HAS LOST HIS A.D.D. & BI-POLAR MEDICATION DOWN A BURROW SOMEWHERE AND YOU KNOW HOW DISORIENTING LOOKING AROUND BURROWS CAN BE.
Don't lie to me Tommy, I know you've stopped taking your medication lately (don't forget - I see everything, I can even lick my own elbow, not that that is really relevant here) and I know you're on a quest to "tell it like you see it" but please, Tommy, please, stop the madness.
Your ridiculous public displays of "really, no really I'm heterosexual" affection aren't impressing anyone, fool. We can comprehend that perhaps you're a little smitten with Katie Holmes, who wouldn't be; that lopsided smile is bound to make any man a little weak at the knees, but jumping on couches, trying to dry hump her on red carpets and letting the press in on almost every little detail of your love life is getting a bit much. I say almost because I know you & Katie are using the "oh no I'm waiting until marriage" line when what's really going on is "but I can't use Viagra because L-Ron says drugs are bad".
I am however, a well-documented magnaminous deity and as such am going to resist smiting you down this week, if only because it makes a slightly pleasant change to see a celebrity who has no "assclown-filter" between themselves and the general public. Lord knows there are madder celebrities than you out there and I've got to give you credit for allowing the world see what a fruit loop you really are. Kudos Tommy.
But let this potential smitedown serve as a warning to you: Get back on the drugs, ok Tommy? Get back on the drugs.
Love Always,
God.
p.s. I really liked Minority Report!